Monday, February 28, 2011

Rubber, meet Road

So, I love the idea of my beliefs and values controlling my behavior. Because, really, what good is it to have beliefs and values if you can't or won't live by them? If you're not willing to live by your values, then they aren't really your values after all, right? They're what you think would sound great to say, or how you would believe and behave in a perfect world.

The trouble is, none of us live in a perfect world. We come up against situations everyday where we have to make decisions that pit our natural emotional responses against what we know would be better.

The most bizarre thing happened to me over the weekend -- I flipped my head over to blowdry my hair, flipped it back and got dizzy. And stayed dizzy. And at the doctor's today, I was told I'm going to stay dizzy for awhile -- indefinitely, she said. I jacked up something in my inner ear, and this dizzy feeling will probably go away on its own within a couple of weeks or more. Probably. For some people it never goes away.

When the dizziness is more intense, it makes me nauseous. It also makes my head feel muddy, like I'm on the verge of a migraine. It's harder to think, takes more effort to thread words together, to concentrate. So I'm affected both physically and mentally, and potentially emotionally, since it's irritating as hell. (Sorry, mom. I can't think of a more accurate way to say that!)

But you know, I'm constantly harping about circumstances not dictating responses. That God is making us more like Him, that His love and strength gets us through trials big and small. And I've experienced this in the really BIG ordeals of my life-- the stuff I didn't think I could ever get past or make it through.

So now I have this pesky, stupid, constant irritant and I think it will be a good test for me.

Will this experience bring out the love of Christ in me? Or just more me.

Will I let Him grow my patience and my understanding, my empathy for others? Or will I be so caught up in my own physical symptoms that I can't even think about other people?

Will I accept this inconvenience, which is TINY in light of what so many people are going through, or will I feel picked on, singled out?

Small things tend to level me faster than big ones. Calamities are so obvious. I'm driven to my knees to find out how to cope, what to do, how to go on. But a little (constant) nausea? A muddy head? Eh. I can handle it. And that's the problem. I can handle it --until I really feel sick or I really am tired or my "let's have a good attitude" attitude wears off, which is usually between 20 minutes and 2 days max.

So far, it's not even been 10 hours.

We'll see.


  1. Well...I gotta say...I don't think I would have handled it any better thus far. Praying that your inner-ear thing will be gone. Seriously...that's no fun. Besides your physical discomfort, I'll be praying for this to be a great time to refine your character as gold - learning to shine and put yourself / feeling / wanting to puke urges aside and press on towards the goal of Christ likeness. :) Love ya friend.

  2. The fact that this even occurs to you just proves to me you are a better person than I. I totally understand what you are saying but, if faced with the same circumstances, pretty sure I would complain a lot, worry a lot and "endure" my trial through to the end. Then and ONLY then in hindsight would I get that it was a learning opportunity ... a "teachable moment," so to speak.
    Anyway, I am praying you heal quickly, and I am thankful for this reminder to endure all hardship as discipline. :)

  3. I am so sorry you are not feeling well -- and without a promise you will feel well soon. I've been in celebration that mom has found some relief (hopefully not too temporary) in her pain and now this. I will pray that your battle doesn't go too long and knowing the attitude that you need to have is the beginning of the battle won. One day you will think -- hey, I have't even noticed being dizzy and sick to my stomach! What a GREAT day! Jackie

  4. oye! and I echo Jackie's prayer, and look forward to the day when you've realized the ailments have passes, and it will be a GREAT day. Praying, out loud, for healing, to our Father who knows all, and cares even more than He know. love you, me

  5. will pray for you. I have this problem, and it is frightening. So often when I turn over in bed. I will get dizzy and I grab my husband so tight, he has learned this means that i am spinning. When I am alone and it happens I reach out my hand and grab God's. I can't see His hand but I know He sees mine and it helps me be less afraid. Love, your siesta sis, Laura @

  6. Update on the dizziness:
    I believe it's gone! As my sinus infection cleared up, so did the dizziness.

    I am so sorry for the last commenter - To have it be unresolved would be very frightening! My prayers are with you, friend!